A Guide To Girlfriend 101

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If you're reading this, I assume you're in a mature relationship and not in a 6th grade hubby-bubby stuffs. And also there is a teeny-tiny bit of humour here.

Gentlemen, we all know having a girlfriend can be a pain in the butt. There's certain things you ALWAYS need to keep in mind, certain things you ALWAYS have to do. It's not your fault that sometimes you forget stuffs, sometimes you're thinking something else, sometimes you don't know stuffs. But that's ok because you know you're a good guy, and you can always be better. Because women deserve better men. 
 

Here's some stuffs from my experience that has helped me. From one bro to another, spreads the Bro-wisdom. I must tell you before you jump right in that some stuffs might not make sense to you, but trust me, this will work.
  1. Be honest: Yeah, honesty is like the butter on your bread, or the honey in your tea. If you're not honest with your girl, then kiss your butt goodbye, she's dumping you as soon as she finds that you're a lying piece of crap. Besides that, a real gentleman never lies, nor does he ever have to lie. But don't do what Ross did with Rachel, you'll end up like Ross.



  2. Lie: Yes, lying is very important. By lying to your girl, I mean "No, you're not fat!", "Yes, I remember your mother's sister's friend's neighbour's sister's son.", "Haha you're so funny.", "No, it's fine. I can wait for you longer.". This art of lying is always an important thing you must master. If she asks whether that girl is cute or not, you look everywhere but the girl she's pointing at, and say it out loud, "NO SHE IS NOT CUTE. CUTE IS SOMEONE LIKE YOU." If she asks how the movie/food/clothes/songs she suggested was, you say, "Wow! Best thing ever.". If she ever asks you whether she's fat, don't even look at her, your immediate reaction should be "No!".

  3. Food: She loves food more than you, just admit it. Give her food. If she's mad, get her food, if she's grumpy, get her food, if she's sad, get her food, if she's bored, get her food, if she's missing you, show up to her house with FOOD. DON'T EVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF FOOD. Gentlemen food is your wingman, and food is your best-man.

  4. When it's that time of the month: Gentlemen, we know sometimes for few days, our girl is acting a bit different than usual. She's not acting different, there's BLOOD coming out of her vagina. And us as better men, must learn how to be SENSITIVE to that. Don't say phrases like "why so mad?", "why are you being grumpy?", "why are you so angry?", "you're being different", "you're making me mad", "why are you eating so much?", "calm down", "kina risako?". If you're not getting them stuff, get the fluff out. Learn about periods, not from her, but from your friends or Google. And most importantly, get your bitch some chocolates. Don't call her a bitch, but get your bitch some chocolates. Mark the days that she's on her periods on a calendar, and strategically plan your meetings around those times. Be sensitive, be funny, talk, be 90's Shah Rukh Khan.

  5. Dial those digits everyday: Call her everyday, at a specific time (at night is most preferable), and ask how her day was, how was work, how was school, how was college. Talk to her, don't even bring your shit up, just listen to her, just let her talk. After that she's done, tell her briefly about your day. Gentlemen, she gave you her phone number so that you call her every single fluffing day. CALL HER, right now, and tell her that you were doing your own shit, and you just happened to miss her during the day and called her. This move will make her fall in love all over again. Trust me, do it and see what happens. 



  6. A culture: Assume that you have just learnt a new culture. From now on, you always get her flowers, and chocolates (if you're feeling extra), whenever you meet her.

  7. Naughty stuffs: We live in a "sanskari" country where sex is a taboo, so of course she is never gonna start the topic. Be a man! Start talking about sex. Believe me when I say this, women are hornier than men. It's scary how fluffing horny they can get when they're comfortable. But make sure that there is consent. Text her tonight, ask for that booty. Swiggity swooty coming for that booty.

  8. Consider yourself as the dumb, idiot, slow, not funny one: Whenever there's an argument about who's better, who's funnier, who's sexier, who's smarter, just agree with her. Trust me, you don't have to win, or prove that you're better. We bros know that you are better. But just nod along if she thinks that she's funnier than you or on any other matters. Give her a break because you love that woman.

  9. If you fluff up, admit it and apologise: The point states it clearly, just apologise. You don't want to lose a gem over your stupid ego. Trust me.

  10. Don't be a bitch: Don't be manipulative, don't be an insecure little bitch. Let her live, let her do stuffs, explore things and let her be free. I've seen this in many boys, they tend to control their girlfriend. Fluff that. If you're such an insecure little bitch, go play video-games. I'm serious. I hate such control freaks. First thing you should know, is you don't own her. She's not "yours". She doesn't have to do things that you say. Grow up dude.



  11. Make stuffs: Stuffs like photos, mixtapes, videos, songs, poems, etc.

  12. Communicate: Communication is the key to everything. As simple as that.

  13. Compliment that booty: Even if she's looking like Gollum from Lord of the Rings, or Jabba the Hutt, or she hasn't shaved for quite a while and she's looking like Chewbacca, compliment her, tell her how beautiful she is. Women need constant validation on how beautiful they are from others. So make sure you're the supply-line of that.

PS: Influenced by Key & Peele, own experience and observation, and bitches (don't call your girl bitch)

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